Closet Fang Banger?

I decided I should probably date a vampire, I figure it would work out real well. I know with Twlight and True Blood out now everyone and their mother wants to date a vampire, but I'm pretty sure I'm in it for the right reasons. First off, he would have to give me my space during the day- no annoying calls or text telling me he's eating a tuna sandwhich for lunch. I don't care what you're eating for lunch or that something really funny just happened at work. And also, I'm really bad at returning calls/text so that wouldn't be an issue anymore, well at least not during daylight. Of course by default he'd have to be tall dark and handsome, which is a-okay with me. Plus if we got into a fight I could just eat a bunch of garlic and be like now what bitch! I guess technically that would annoy regular guys too but I would imagine it would annoy a vampire more. Oh the best part about dating a vampire would be that you could play a really good april fools joke on him, like stand him by a window and have a projection come up behind it to look like the sun was rising so he would freak out. Or turn on car headlights, Hocus Pocus style, so he would think he bursting in to flames or melting or whatever it is that happens to vampires in the sunlight, then you could lift up the shades and be like "April Fools!" I think that would be pretty funny.